I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
