mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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