I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She needs sedatives and a leash
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
