So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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