You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
