i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
