Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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