I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
