Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
