The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
