Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
