I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
