In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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