sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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