It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
