The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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