theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My ass is underappreciated
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
