I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
