Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
