Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish there were birth control emojis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
