he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
