The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You took a bar mat shot.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize