Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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