remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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