Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
