Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
