I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
