3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
