you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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