haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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