Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
