Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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