Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
