The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
