I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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