Your face is a jimmy john
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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