I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
