Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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