Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
