with your own penis?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
