I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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