ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
