wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
