i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize