I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
