Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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