I would go down on you faster than GM stock
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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