the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
that is very illegal...i love you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
