I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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