Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
