Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
