STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
