i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone shattered a urinal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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