I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
