There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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