Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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