Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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