note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
