i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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