The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
