Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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