These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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