i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
