love makes seman taste better
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize