come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
