You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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