She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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