How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
