Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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