I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
