Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
