Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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