ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
